xsavior

you let me know
what the moon had said
and how you tried to sing it away

i heard you again
as the train came past
and suddenly missed
not knowing

i forgot i asked you to break me
i forgot to know not to try
i forgot to know what to think
i forgot to know just to lie

now you say his hearts in mexico
and hell soon be fleeing
so tell me
if yours is the next to go
where does that leave me?

buried back in a black heart broken
im laying next to you
saying in your eyes i see innocence
but dont let them decieve you

i breath too

...............

the last thing i thought i'd say

so I cant get in there huh?
well whats the fun in that?



Ledgers

As we sit by the window I wait
For the train to pass before I say
I'd be riding the rails by now
If I were you I'd be gone already

And If I'd so set to run
Then why have I said so much?

Whatever the fuck you want,
Is that what you say to me?
Cause its been reapeating and repeating
Through this sick for you brain

I know you'll break me soon
And I wait for the pain
I want you crazy, I want you crazy
I'll soon be the same

Welcome to 2008.

2007 was by far the strangest year i've lived yet.  I dont really know what to expect from 2008, but i know its going to be a year of change.

I was a peice of shit to myself and anyone close enough to care, I will never forgive myself for any of it and I know now that I made the wrong decisions.
I really regret giving up so much. I lost my state school funding, my car, my license, amanda, and pretty much any sense of dignaty i thought i retained.

I will stop smoking in 2008
I will make more responsible decisions
I will not allow myself to hurt others because of anything that is me
I will futher my education
I will try.

I want to change
Cant keep living like this.

____________________________
I keep economicly priced wine
to rinse away the nights

I have a habit of seeing
every fucking sunrise
and im tired of everything
and anything that is me

I am dying and i need to be released.

I think im ready, or maybe im not, either way im going.

Thanksgiving cultivates nothing more for me than sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie.

This winter will prove to be my modified cylinder of sweetness, the snow cone of my teenage years.

A drunken child strapped in cloth and wearing a top hat. My resolution is to be eric.

I hope you have a good day.

By Instinct Different is Normal

Theory: Human rebellion
By: Eric Holt



    Our children's ability to learn is in large part feed by instinctive curiosity. I can recall myself using the excuse, "but...'s parents let him stay out late," even though my entire life i was raised by my families rules, the only thing i could from experience, call normal.  My friends house was different than mine, and thus had to be normal.  

    This belief allows for experimentation, changes in perspective. Because of our instinctive rebellion we seek different and by bonding with other seekers create a sub-culture with combined resources to exploit the norm and make the different prominent and thus norm. The process continues.

    Because cultures shift, they sometimes bump and cross paths this causing a in-culture phenomenon to become a multi-culture phenomenon and now the majority percentage. Something that would normally be popular within a sub-culture is now main stream and normal. Different is now normal.


Human rebellion feeds this need to be different.
Some people are just slower than others, and a little less human.




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